Imperious Rex, dude.

I was just told by an amigo and fellow warrior that I should update my blog more. I feel a bit apprehensive about updating the blog just to update it, but then again, work is boring as hell right now, and I got nothing better to do. So here is some more of nothing to say!

There is one thing that was on my mind grapes the other day. So, the other day I was thinking about Namor, the Sub-Mariner and how boss he is.



Yeah, you're seeing that right. Hail to the king, baby.

He's been through a bunch of scraps through the years. And he's an older guy too, he fought the Nazis with Cap and the original Human Torch. He must have a lot of fighting experience then, right? Then I remembered a comic book that I bought in my youth that was from that Marvel vs. DC crossover. You know the one I'm talking about? Where both publishers said that if one universe won then the other would cease to exist? Don't bother trying to remember, 'cause it was all just one big gimmicky bullcrap-fest anyway. But I digress. The reason that I bring it up is because one of the bouts in this particular issue to which I am referring, was between Namor and Aquaman.

Let me say that again. Namor vs. Aquaman.
What?
For the average normal person who might actually read this blog, that may not sound like anything. It probably just sounds like two fantasy water-people fighting. Which it is, but your in my world now, so for all intents and purpose they're real.
My beef is simply this: What kind of ridiculous match-up is this? As if there is any question as to who would win! It's NAMOR, hands down! Here's a little rundown for the uninitiated:

AQUAMAN



- He has the ability to breathe underwater, and his body is adapted to underwater life.
- He has enhanced strength, and super speed underwater.
- He can only survive short periods of time out of water.
- Aquaman can see through the eyes of fish, as well as talk to any creature living underwater
through his telepathic powers.

NAMOR, THE SUB-MARINER



- He has the ability to breathe underwater and the durability to withstand the pressure of the
depths of the ocean, extreme heat tempetures, and sonic attacks.
- He is able to lift about 100 tons, and has superhuman stamina and durability.
- He can swim at torpedo-like speeds.
- He Can survive indefinitely in water or on land, but his powers slowly decrease as he spends
time out of water.
- He has the ability to channel the powers of any aquatic life in he sea.
- He also has an extended lifespan being well over 80 years old, yet physically still in his prime.
- He can fly.

How is Namor gonna lose to the guy who can see through the eyes of fish? It's just not gonna happen. Ever.

However, as I recall, the battle in the comic book went a little differently. So, Namor and Aquaman are duking it out underwater, and Aquaman makes some kind of smart-ass comment about how Namor keeps swinging at him and missing. Namor replies by smirking, and then punching Aquaman so hard that he flies out of the water, across the ocean, and onto the shore. This part of the battle, I will concede, is accurate. Namor flies to the shore to finish pounding the crap out of him, when he is lassoed by Aquaman's weird hook-hand. Namor easily escapes, but while he is doing so, Aquaman telepathically commands an orca to jump out of the ocean and land on Namor. Here ends the fight.

WHAT?!

The man who can lift 100 tons is flattened by a 6 ton orca?! No. Here is how things would really go down:

Aquaman chuckles to himself over his supposed victory, when all of a sudden the orca begins to levitate. What's going on? Namor is holding the whale over his head and flying! After releasing the whale back into the ocean, Namor points at Aquaman and tells him why he's going to now pummel the $#!@ out of him. There are three main reasons:

1) He didn't fight honorably.

2) He manipulated one of his loyal fish subjects by basically turning the orca into suicide
bomber.

3) There is only one king of the ocean.

Plus, Aquaman has that lame hippie haircut. Then Aquaman would see a little somethin' like this comin' at him.



Aquaman is sushi.

And that my friends is how that fight would really go down, and why Namor is the king. Fact.

You may think it's weird that I spend a significant portion of my brain power concentrating on a large muscular man in a green-scale speedo. Listen. I'm as straight as an arrow, and in love with a beautiful lady. I'm also secure as hell with my own sexuality. So, haters to the left. And anyway, who wouldn't want to hang out with this guy?



At one point or another, isn't it like, every kid's fantasy to friggin' breathe underwater, or have super strength, or fly, or be royalty? Namor is all of those things at the same time! I suppose if he were a woman, he would be the ultimate daydream. All the guys reading this know I'm right.
Plus he's got a giant clam for a chair, and that's money.

If you need anymore convincing, just look how fast Aquaman gets put down by the Joker.



Owned. And that's why the Joker is the king. Of comedy!

¡Los 4 Fantásticos!

On my birthday I got a butt-load of Best Buy gift card money, and the first time that I went to go and spend it I couldn't decide what to get. A few days later I saw a picture of the box set of the complete first season of the new Fantastic Four animated series. It was love at first sight. 

I know, right?

But I had to wait until June 10th to get it. Let me tell you, sometimes it felt like all that Best Buy credit was calling out to me, tempting me to spend it on something else. It was like that one episode of the Fantastic Four when the Puppet Master takes over their minds to get revenge on his enemies! But, like the courageous Ben Grimm AKA the Thing, I fought against my gift card's evil influence. 

I'm now happy to report that I have the FF box set. And it. Is. AWESOME. I love the weird stories that are reminiscent of the comic book from the 60's. There's also a bunch of appearances from a ton of other characters from the Marvel Universe, some of my favorites being the Hulk, She-Hulk, Namor, Iron Man, and Ant-Man. Even Squirrel Girl makes a cameo!

Squirrel Girl! 

The writing is also pretty entertaining and humorous as well. Especially the episode, "My Neighbor Was a Skrull". Plus, the animation is really slick and cool. So, Wilhelm more than approves of this show, he commands that all should see it. 

And if you ever want to see what my brother would be like as a cartoon, look no further than Johnny Storm.

 

If you know my brother, then you know this is uncanny. And weird.

Let the Posting Begin!

Okay. This is my second attempt at a blog. I have another one that I started and then abandoned, and it's just floating out there in the space we call "cyber". I did try to find it again, but I actually can't remember what it's called, and also, I just don't care. But Wilhelm regrets nothing. He simply tries again. 

Welcome to the blog. As you can see from the title, this is where I muse. It's usually about fantastical things that can't happen in normal life. For example, on that other blog I pondered on the outcome of a battle between Paul Bunyan and the Jolly Green Giant. Here's my take on that little bout:

  VS  

In order to keep things a bit more level, Paul can't have Babe the big blue ox to bake him up. No tag teams, because I think we can all agree that the support of a giant blue ox would tilt the scales in Paul's favor. Big time. Besides, we can't have Babe fight his battles for him. That's weak. He can, however, keep his big ol' ax. You might think that having a weapon would make him the automatic winner, but I don't see it that way. First of all, the Jolly green giant is just as tall as Mr. Bunyan, so height isn't an issue. Secondly, have you looked at Jolly Green? That guy is ripped! He's got to be doing some kind of crazy superhero training or something. And don't let is tunic and little booties fool you either. I mean, Magnus Robot Fighter wears the same type of thing, and he friggin' chops robots in half with his bare hands. 

KAAAAAARATE!!

Link also wears a tunic, and you don't wanna mess with him.

Look at this stone-faced killer!

 

Maybe fighting in a skirt-type thing is the ultimate sign of manliness. Just look at Rob Roy. 

Total badass. 

Another thing to consider are what kind of abilities does Jolly Green have? That dude can grow all kinds of crops and stuff. Can he do it at a rapid rate? Can he control other foliage as well? Are they fighting in a forest? Man, I think if Jolly Green finally got a hold of the man that was chopping down all his tree buddies he'd be pissed as all get out. The trees would probably want their revenge too. Trust me, that can happen. It was on ATHF. 

I know Paul is all tough and brawny, like the paper towel guy, but I just think there are too many unknowns regarding the Jolly Green Giant. Granted, half of the crap I just said about him is speculative, but so what? This is my frickin' fantasy fight! I'll decide what powers people have or don't have! So if you don't like that, muse about your own super battles!

Winner: The Jolly Green Giant

Yes you do my friend. Yes you do.

Maybe I'm also a bit biased in that I saw the new Incredible Hulk movie last night, and the thought of giant green people smashing the crap outta stuff still gets me stoked out of my brain. HULK IS THE STRONGEST THERE IS! HULK SMASH! 

Seriously, everyone should go see this movie. 

So, that's gonna be the general vibe of this blog I'm guessing. Tune in again. If you dare.

Cheers!